Shitty day
June 21, 2025
Lately, I keep having thoughts and feelings that I never had before. Shitty ones. Things that I didn't care about before are suddenly driving me insane. I have no idea why. Maybe that's my brain developing. Or maybe I fucked up my brain with too much weed.
I feel like I'm falling deeper and deeper into the pit and I don't know what to do. My mood stabilizers aren't doing anything.
I really think I might want to try TMS, but it's stupid expensive. It could be at least $6,000. As far as I know, most insurances will cover it, but I'm sure the copay will still be ludicrous. I don't have that kind of money.
Right now, I don't know what to do except wait and just hope things get better.
The dumbest thing is I'm not sure why I'm so depressed. I feel like I don't have anything worth being depressed over. Maybe my brain is just fucked up.
My dad always says it's easy for stupid people to be depressed, and you'd have to be smart to find reasons to be happy. I must be the dumbest fucking person.
Sometimes I envy the people I know who have died. I envy the people who had the courage to do something I wanted to do but couldn't bring myself to.
Today just looks like a shit day. I think it's all I can do to take an edible and hope I feel better. I don't know if I care about getting addicted to shit anymore.
EDIT: I did feel better after getting high. Psychoactive substances are the answer!
