Status update
June 19, 2025
Life feels so pointless when you don't have a routine. I'm unemployed, and nowadays all I do with my free time is sleep, get high, browse the Internet, and hope one of the million places I've applied to gets back to me soon. Getting a steady job is my main priority right now, but the job market is shit. It starts to feel futile, when you apply to place after place and never hear anything back, besides the occasional e-mail telling you your application was rejected (on the rare occasion they even have the decency to do that much). I need money and I don't want to live with my parents forever, so it's all that I can do to keep throwing shit at the wall and hope something sticks.
I've been out of work for longer than I'd like to admit, and the few jobs that I've had over the past year haven't lasted very long. Some of it is my own fault. I quit a decent job without having another one lined up because I got frustrated with the way things were being run. I figured I could just get another job. I didn't realize it would be a Herculean fucking effort trying to get back into the workforce.
At this point, I feel like I've exhausted too much effort with too little results. I've tried applying online, I've tried applying on different sites, I've tried applying in person, I've tried applying with temp agencies, I've tried freelancing, and I still have nothing. I'm wondering how I'm gonna make money if I can't find a job soon. I can always do DoorDash, but then I'm fucked if I get in an accident because my insurance won't cover it if it happens while I'm working. I also don't love not having a regular schedule, and admittedly I get a little nervous dealing with customers without any coworkers or anyone that could at least fill out some paperwork or something if something happened to me. I live in kind of a seedy, shitty little Republican town and that kind of work is not comforting. I have stuff I'm thinking about selling on eBay or something, but I've never done it before and I'm not sure if I need to be worried about shipping costs and shit like that. I also don't have infinite things to sell, so that's only a temporary solution to the issue of not having income. I'm not good enough at art to do commissions. I'm okayyyy at writing, but I'm again not, like, super confident in my abilities, plus I'm not sure what it is I would be doing if I took writing commissions. Porn, probably. Do I want to be the porn guy? I don't have the courage to do OnlyFans (and-- not judging-- I think people don't appreciate that that content is out there, like, possibly forever. Am I okay with someone having a picture of my boobs forever? How much am I getting for it?).
To be clear, my parents are housing me, and I do realize how lucky I am to have that. It's not like I'm at immediate risk of being homeless. I do think, however, that living with my family for too long will make me insane, and I feel like I need to figure out what to do while I still have that safety net, because what if something like this happens while I'm renting? What if something happens to my parents? What if we end up falling out for whatever reason? AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm 21, so I'm at that age where I still get some plausible deniability, but I still feel like such a fuckup sometimes. I feel like I should've achieved more by now. I wish I had started working younger so I would've had more savings or a longer résumé by now. Everyone else my age that I know is in a similar situation. I get that we're in a recession and everyone is struggling, and I'm lucky to have what I have. I'm certainly not uniquely fucked, but GRRRGHHRHRGRGRGRGGRRRRRRRR
In other news, people are actually looking at my site? I wasn't planning on that! Sorry! I'll try and add more art and shit to the site soon (it was meant to just be an archive of my art and writing. The blog is mostly for myself DON'T LOOK AT ME).
Hopefully I'll be able to make a nice blog post soon!
